


Yes, no

by Donya



Series: Tony in distress [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Cheating, Dubious Consent, FrostIron - Freeform, Implied Self-Harm, M/M, Stony - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-29 11:03:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1004678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony does cheat on Loki with Stevie Capsicle. But it's barely any fun since he's still trapped in the abusive relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yes, no

**Author's Note:**

> My insincere apologies to Stevie Capsicle's fans. I do not like that bitch and there's no fluffy Stevie here.
> 
> It's a sequel to 'Enemy of mine' because I like vicitmised Tony.

Tony wrapped his fingers around a glass of water and tried his best to keep smiling. Everything about it was forced: his good mood, his presence there, nodding at Thor's words. It was something he did not expect- Loki now hated his brother _less_ and from time to time, Thor would visit them. Tony didn't dare being sarcastic when Thor would say how glad he was to see them happy. Once he scoffed, almost suggesting that his relationship with Loki made him _un_ happy and later, he had to pay for his childish behaviour. 

Now, having learnt that lesson, Tony pretended to listen to Thor but the only thing he could think about was telling Thor the truth. _Listen, man, you were right about your brother._  How would Thor react? What would Loki do to him for such disobedience? Nevertheless, Tony formed the speech in his mind, imagining he could muster enough courage to say it out loud.

Almost four months since the last episode, since Tony let Steve kiss him. The first time it lasted that long but Tony couldn't relax and be himself, not when he knew Loki might lash out on him any moment, the simplest thing might trigger him. Tony was tense, the awaiting was unbearable, he almost wished it happened already. He wanted to believe Loki changed, at fucking last, that there would be no more beatings, bruises, anaesthetic gels and stained sheets. It would be so good to stop being scared, fall asleep without fear, talk to Loki like they were equal, stop obsessively thinking if this or that would enrage him. Tony knew, thought, hoped he deserved that. Perhaps Loki just needed to fix him, perhaps he was already fixed and there would be no more pain. 

Or it was already coming. Maybe now, laughing at Thor's story, Loki was already planning another episode. What would he do this time? Tony pushed away the memories, the images of the giant bruise that alarmed his doctor. Tony got blood thinners but then could not stop the bleeding when he accidentally cut his hand. Accidentally. Loki found him like that, bloodied and pitying himself. Not the easiest thing to explain but Tony got used to lying about his body, his life, he lied to everyone, sometimes wondering if he could ever tell the truth.

Tony was panicking. It lasted too long, it's been good for too long, the anticipation was killing him. He frightened himself imagining he would openly provoke Loki in an awful way. He might stand up and take off his shirt right in front of Thor, let him see the scars. Two-three hours and then Loki would love him again. Tony was confused, he was sure he didn't want the pain but somehow he was about to ask for it.

 

* * *

 

Steve was surprised to see Tony on his doorstep. He must have thought that Tony avoided him, embarrassed by their kiss. Tony let him think that was the reason. Not his limping or super careful way of sitting down. Now Steve let him in, smiling at him kindly, as if Tony wasn't just a trouble. 

But he was. What would Steve say, knowing that he had been used to pissed off Loki? And now, now again. Tony felt awful about it, especially that even if he would end up with Steve, he would never forget that he-

'Sorry, I've got only beer.'

Good, getting drunk was definitely a good idea. They were in the living room, on the couch, not quite close to each other. Steve only watched him, waiting for Tony to start talking. As if it was that easy. Tony was conflicted, not entirely sure what he wanted to achieve. Perhaps he was already doomed, Loki might go berserk just because Tony was at Steve's. Maybe he didn't have to do anything more. 

'Is something bothering you?' Steve asked finally. Tony already finished his beer, the pleasant warmth eased his anxiety. He glanced at Steve, suddenly filled with an irrational hope that Cap could solve his problems. Tony started talking before he might change his mind and leave.

'I fucked up. Everything, my life. I'm, like, neck-deep in trouble and there's no point in doing anything about it, you know?'

'There's always something you can do. Nothing is permanently unfixable.'

'Not really. It's so damn pointless, I can't change anything, the damage is done, it's too late to do anything,' Tony didn't like how bitter he sounded. He almost added that it got harder to force himself to get up in the morning- because he knew the day would not bring any satisfying change, so why bother. 'I had no idea it would come to this, I never expected to-' Tony jumped when Steve grabbed his arm. Like a scared animal.

'Tony, what are you talking about?' Silence. 'Loki, isn't it?'

There was no need to confirm it, Tony only looked away, hoping Steve didn't suspect the worst. What a shame it would be to lose his face like this, admit that he allowed to be victimised over and over again. Explaining that it wasn't that bad would repel Steve for good.

'I knew it would end badly, you two, it just could not work out.' Steve didn't mean it but Tony heard _You should have known that, why are you whining now, it was so predictable, you can only blame yourself_. Something he knew for sure.  

'I think I should go.'

'Wait. I see you're troubled and I know just how to help you stop overthinking that problem of yours. I can take your mind off it,' Steve offered, getting closer and closer to Tony, until he was touching him. Tony shuddered, not sure what he wanted. He thought he could just get up and leave, then beg Loki for forgiveness. 'I keep thinking about that time I kissed you. How you melted and what would have happened if we weren't interrupted,' Steve lowered his voice to a whisper and Tony thought he liked it better than shouts that he would hear from Loki.

Tony was wrong to think he could have any control in that situation. He wasn't sure how it happened but suddenly he was on the floor, kneeling between Steve's knees. But complaining might suggest something he wasn't ready to discuss. Mouth opened, eyes closed, it wasn't that bad, he wasn't going to be beaten to a pulp, he could relax, at least a bit.

He started regretting it quite quickly, when a strong hand gripped the back of his neck tightly, pushing him forward. It was something Tony absolutely hated, being held like this, losing that shadow of control he had. He tried to pull back, suddenly gagging, panicking, thinking he might really choke to death but Steve kept his mouth filled, reminding him to breathe through his nose. Loki didn't touch his neck during a blowjob, letting Tony chose the pace and the depth of the penetration. Loki knew him better and Tony just wanted to be back in his own bedroom, feeling the familiar hands exploring his body. Loki understood him but it's was too late to say no, how would he even explain it. He stopped all movements, overwhelmed and Steve took it the wrong way, as an invitation to thrust in deeper. Far too late to say no. Steve might start suspecting something. Having no choice, Tony composed himself enough to resume sucking.

Somehow Steve assumed Tony would be the bottom, as of the idea of him fucking Loki was so unthinkable. Or maybe Steve did notice how trained, how submissive Tony was made and who wouldn't take advantage? Tony wished he could escape when Steve went to get the lube but he was told to wait and he was in no position to argue. The awful outcome of being stuck in an abusive relationship: one loses the right to say no, to anyone. The last thing Tony wanted was to show his apprehension, thus he gladly accepted being manhandled on all fours. No eye contact certainly made things easier. He could wince and bite on his knuckles when fingers entered him. It's not that easy to have fun as a bottom; the lack of willingness turns pleasure to discomfort. Tony was too tired to pretend he enjoyed anything Steve was doing to him. He didn't relax his muscles when Steve pushed into him. He deserved pain. Steve must have felt the resistance, yet he did not comment on that. Either he was too excited of having his way with Tony or he simply did not care about his pleasure. Why would he.

Burying his face into the cushion, Tony thought how different it was to be fucked by someone else than Loki. They were together for some time already, long enough to know just how to please the other person, what to say, where to touch. Steve tried but it was not the same. Tony had no idea what he was doing in someone else's arms when he could be with Loki. Listening to Steve's grunts, he tried to come up with a plan how to keep it a secret. Steve didn't bruise him or mark his skin in any other way, to which Tony was grateful. All he needed was a shower and then he could pretend it never happened. 

There are not many things as boring as waiting for the top to finish. Tony wasn't helping at all, just lying there, strangely silent. Steve didn't seem to mind, thrusting into him enthusiastically, not at all bothered by Tony's passiveness. It was actually a relief that he didn't touch Tony, it wasn't supposed to be nice for him. He was nowhere near a climax when Steve collapsed on his back, groaning and panting. At least it was over. As soon as Steve withdrew, still gasping, Tony crawled from under him and asked where the bathroom was. A quick shower, just to wash away the cum from his body. It'd be far more suspicious to take a shower in the tower, before even saying hi to Loki. The fucker would surely smell someone else on Tony within seconds, it'd be too risky. 

'I hope I don't need to ask you to be discreet.'

'So you're going back to Loki? Do not tell me you love him or something.'

'I do.'

'Well, you love him so much you have just cheated on him.' 

 

* * *

 

Back in his car, Tony kept thinking about pushing the gas pedal to its limits. Just it, just going to fast, he couldn't finish the thought. Letting the fate decide. 

 

* * *

 

He hoped, so stupidly, that Loki would be asleep already but no, of course not, he was on the bed, reading a book, propped against all the pillows that were on the bed. It unreasonably annoyed Tony, damned Loki taking everything that belonged to him without asking, automatically assuming he would not protest. It didn't matter that it was just pillows, he was angry. 

'You pillow thief. Where am I supposed to rest my head?' It came out more harsh than he intended. Good. He was so in the mood to start a pointless fight over pillows. Loki, however, ignored the provocation. He only looked closely at Tony, as if the reason for his irritability was written on his forehead. 

'Who are you angry with?'

He read Tony like an open book. When would he figure out who actually pissed Tony off? 

'Not you.'

'Come here, then.' Loki patted his stomach. Tony resisted for a moment, then gave up and joined Loki, settling himself between his legs, his head on Loki's flat abdomen. Not the most comfortable pillow. Tony wanted to feel the warmth of his skin, without much thinking he pushed his head under Loki's shirt. Nicely hidden, he pressed his cheek to the belly button, sighing happily.

'What are you doing, hmm?'

'I'm hiding and never leaving again,' Tony announced, gripping Loki's sides tightly. Loki chuckled and rubbed Tony's back with one hand, lightly, soothingly. It was good, perfect, just the two of them. Tony didn't remember falling asleep but it obviously did happen. He woke up, certain that he had slept for ages, confused, was it only a dream, Steve- was that a dream? He shifted, still under Loki's shirt. Loki was awake, still holding him.  

'I have to tell you something. I wish I could ask you not to freak out.'

He heard Loki close the book and put it away. It was bad, bad but Tony couldn't wait any longer. Loki must have sensed that something was wrong, it was only a matter of time before he would guess what exactly.

'What did you do?' He was still calm. Tony shivered, afraid and helpless. He couldn't stop now.

'I had- had sex with Steve.'

Loki, when he wanted, could move awfully quickly. Tony didn't even have time to consider fighting back before he was pushed on his back, Loki straddling his hips and pressing his hand to Tony's throat. Hateful glaring, nails threatening to break the skin. He deserved it.

'You coward, you can't even look in my eyes?'

Tony thought he couldn't feel any worse but Loki sounded hurt. That was the only thing he didn't think about- his brilliant plan to let Steve fuck him in order to deserve punishment, it was all very clever but he didn't realise it would affect Loki that much. Putting aside their problems, Loki was still his partner and he cheated on him with someone they both knew. He betrayed Loki's trust, just like Odin and Thor. Tony hurt Loki by focusing only on himself.

'I'm sorry!'

'Why are you doing this?'

'I'm sorry, Loki, I'm sorry!'

'You want me to leave, huh? I can leave this instant.'

'No, please, I'm sorry!' Tony caught Loki's hand and stroked it, the last thing he wanted was to upset Loki. 'I'm sabotaging this, I know but I don't want to lose you, Loki, I am really sorry, please, let me make it up for you.' Loki didn't respond and his grip loosened just enough for Tony to sit up and make an awkward attempt at embracing Loki. The god stayed quiet, staring at Tony with an undisguised bitterness. It was so much worse than anger, Tony couldn't stand that look on Loki's face. Shyly, he leant closer to brush his lips against Loki's, painfully aware of the cool rejection, Loki didn't return the kiss.

'Did you like it?' Loki asked quietly. At least he said something. Tony wrapped his hands around him, indicating he couldn't let Loki go away.

'Not at all, it was horrible, I regretted it immediately, I swear.' At least that was true. 'I thought I just wanted to be here, with you. I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, Loki, please forgive me.'

Loki got off the bed. For a second, Tony thought he was going to disappear, abandon him for good and it scared the shit out of him. Losing Loki by his own stupidity, that would be so typical of Tony. Luckily, Loki only opened a drawer, grabbed a handful of black leather things and threw them on the bed. The cat, the whip, the flog, they would make Tony so sore- and so glad that he was finally forgiven and loved again. Loki undid his belt and put it next to the whip.

'You know I do not enjoy disciplining you.'

'Yes.'

'You did confess, I should reward you, you can choose one of these.'

Tony picked up the flog, it always hurt the most, exactly what he needed now. Loki nodded, content with the choice. Tony managed to plant a small kiss on his cheek when Loki bent down to take the flog from his hand, then without being asked, undressed and lay on his stomach, offering his naked body to Loki.

 

The point was that Tony did love Loki, despite everything and he knew that regardless of his flaws, Loki loved him. They both made mistakes but love means people forgive and stay together. Bad things happen in every relationship but only the weak break up without a second thought. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> There's nothing better to listen to while writing than smooth jazz. The smoother, the better. Smooooth. 
> 
> Special thanks to my subscribers. I am honoured and grateful but I also bathe in your precious tears.


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